Baby need a diawpwer?

"It started with a few bottles of water. Then beer containers. Before the fans at Chase Field were done, they had lost their dignity and their Arizona Diamondbacks had lost control of the National League Championship Series. "

I am a baseball fan. I mean that in the truest sense, I can watch 3 hours of a slow moving, fun, awesome game mostly manned by old fat guys who look like they just rolled outta their pork rind pile and stumbled out of the bar to try their hand at sports, just for the fun of it. When I was a kid my dad would sometimes get tickets to the Royals games. It was SUCH a treat, and big Danny required adult level patience and behavior. We would have treats and he would sit with me and talk about the game. I think if he had his druthers he would be buried at Cooperstown. Growing up I played competitive softball and ump'ed for girls' fast pitch games. I would sometimes work a tournament and ump 4 or 5 games in one day in the hot, dusty, h-u-m-i-d Nebraska weather. And I loved every minute of it.

Since moving to Colorado, while I couldn't care less about the Broncos taking it up the rue, I LOVE Rockies baseball. Coors Field is gorgeous with a brilliant open view of the mountains and a clean, classical architectural layout. And if you're not a sports fan, let me tell you this: this year, the young club ROCKS MY SH*T. For the first time in franchise history the team played in the NLCS (National League Championship Series) against the dirty batardos of Phoenix: The Arizona Diamondbacks.

During the game, Justin Upton was batting for the frustrated Arizona team when he was hit by a 92 mph fast ball by left-hand starter Joe Francis. Upton trotted off on a temper tantrum run to first for the HBP. On the next up-to-bat hit, Upton slide late into (my favorite player) #7 short-stop Kazuo Matsui hitting him and giving, for good measure, a nasty left hook to Matsui's leg. The umps were in agreement that this called for the forced double out rule (offensive interference). Diamondback fans were enraged and showed this by not only boo'ing but throwing water bottles and then beer bottles and trash onto THEIR - OWN - FIELD. The Rockies coach finally called his team off the field until trash was removed and the crowd calmed down.

A couple of things struck me here. A) that was about $1000 worth of Aquafina on the field and I have a feeling that Pepsi execs were creamin' their jeans. B) I thought COLORADO fans were nasty, but not abusive! Oh, I am so unhappy that my player pulled a dirty slide on the field! I'm going to throw my $9 Bud Light onto the field. Uhnnn. Mommy! *stamps feet*

They nearly ruined what was a lovely and ass-kicking game. I am so glad the Rockies stayed strong and man-handled those jerks; seriously it's a great game. Get a f'n life and accept the fact that your team and your crowd threw a group temper tantrum with the sophistication of Brittney Spears. Next time just show us your hoo-hoo too, it'd be more classy.

Song of the Day: Looking for a Love

Today's song of the day is "Looking for a Love," by Ryan Shaw. He's a hot young singer reminiscent of Motown and 50's sock hops. I have been such a negative biatch this week, I figure I need some happy pep. Check it out from the "This is Ryan Shaw" album.

For the Keeme

3SW-163-BITEME

KooKoo for cocoa puffs -->

Happy Friday from cubicle #3SW-163-BITEME. In answer to your question - non. Even if you were in the building you couldn't find me; this place is bigger than Epply Airfield. Seriously.

it's like I'm sort of like high all day but not

This past week, on top of everything, I have been afflicted with what I can only describe as “THBF (Too hot bath feeling) Syndrome.” I have been hovering somewhere between getting high and being just dizzy all week. I’ll grant you that the first couple of days, it was sort of amusing. Now, not so much. I did go to the scary urgent care, and yes, I am unendingly grateful on hands and knees to have healthcare again, but got the I-sort-of-care-but-don’t PA. He determined it “might be sinuses, keep doing what you’re doing, what do you think?” I don’t know dude you’re the PA. “But, for now I don’t think you need a neuro exam.” Okay, fine. What is surprising is the random stuff that makes me go all first big drop on a roller coaster, I just left my brain 20 feet above tickly feeling:

• Using my shoulder to hold a cell phone = BAD. Do not try this especially while driving.
• Moving head between notes and computer screen. I would liken this to the feeling of just nodding off in church…with a hangover. Oh, remember last night, hottie in the pool hall, jack and diet, whoa, WHOA whoa, WHOOPS, slip, slipping! L-U-R-C-H.
• Standing up. Seriously, a biatch.
• Elevators: no longer my mode of transportation. It’s okay the stairs are better for me anyway.
• Bending over to pull up pants / underpants / tie shoes. I keep thinking of that Seaseme Street where the kid learns to button his own shirt. I’m all, YEAH! I zipped up my OWN PANTS.

…oops, new one – trying to spell check on blogger. Blurgh.

Song of the Day: Whole Wide World

Last night we had to say ciao to our dear friend Toddly who is making a big move back to Mississippi (I love typing that b/c I get to do the spelling rhyme in my head). As we get older we move on, friends move on, but you can always tell the difference between a ciao and a real goodbye. I know we'd all go the whole wide world for each other and that's pretty fucking cool.

Song of the Day: Whole Wide World by Reckless Eric. Check it.

Sick Day

I stayed home sick today. I don't take many Sick Days, and if I do it tends to be Diagnosis: Brown Bottle Flu. This is how a typical Sick Day goes:

• Midnight passes: no stoppin'
• 1:00 AM: declarations of love and telling pals "NO seriously, I LOVE you. When I said your significant other was gay I only meant I saw him making out with a dude once....Nooo...it's TOTALLY cool, right?"
• 2:00: stumble home
• 2:45: find secret stash of Jim Beam under the sink. Start smoking in the house and crying at a very special Sex in the City rerun on TBS.
• 3:30: crash on chair / bathroom floor / back steps.
• 5:45: Awake with a mind crushing, life altering hangover headache and whiskey sweats.
• 7:00: In blind panic awake with no idea of location, day, time, name, etc. Figure out that should be at some office somewhere; formulation of excuses begins. As have probably vomited already this works in my favor (voice is rough and raspy).
• 7:34: after careful and diligent obsession, call into work and make vague allusions to some GI matter so horrid you are actually SPARING the boss by not divulging said illness.
• 9:00: still can't sleep b/c the guilt is creating realistic and torturous dreams of being chased down by The Man while I am still in my pajamas.
  
• Email Sick-Day safety buddy in Chicago to inform of day at home.
  
• Intermittently feed self a careful diet of liquid Advil, juice and fried eggs.
• This is the point, around 11 AM when I am watching Judge Judy lay the smack down that I start to feel small, pathetic, and fall into a swirling hole of depression at the loss the day and how I've been taking my entire life for granted. Call / email Sick Day-phobe safety buddy in Chicago for reassurance of self-worth.
• 1:00 pm: begin to write detailed plan for starting life over, get healthy, become responsible, go to church, do yoga, clean my house, etc.
• 2:30: nap
• 4:00: JEEZUS craps is it ALMOST FIVE?!? I have nothing left, I have to go back to work in minutes! NO, No, wait! Wait! I didn't get to watch my Captain Ron DVD yet!!!
• 6:00: dinner out somewhere, possibly with night cap

Today, sadly, broke all those rules and oddly actually being sick as crap made my Sick Day so stress free! I slept until 12, found out my car is dead and still managed to snack / nap away the afternoon. Far and away most relaxing and best sick day in years.*

*despite pounding sickness

SPOILER: Upcoming Podcast

What 3 year podcast veterans have a new vidcast coming out soon...

Sources report they are "carucoo in the memberbrain" and possibly intoxicated.

Operation: Welcome Home parti deux

I hadn't actually asked Patti about the plan before posting, this is her reply:

"It means a lot to me, and I know he will enjoy it a lot too. I worry that soldiers returning home (and all those overseas too) don't know how much we appreciate all that they have done. We take it for granted, or at least I did until Rob's unit got activated. So I think it is important to how our support, and this is a great way to do it. Thank you, for everything. Love, Patti. "

Song of the Day: Breakin' Up

Song of the Day Returns! Today is "Breakin' Up" off the new Rilo Kiley album. It's so groovy, I can't quit listening. I got a good feeling, um, my neighbors probably hate me.

For the luscious Tony! :)

Operation: Welcome Home

If you've ever had the great pleasure of meeting my friend Patti (one of the finest cookies in the aisle) you might be aware that her boyfriend Rob (pictured on a visit home) has been serving in Iraq. We are expecting that sometime before October 13 Rob, who is making his way through Kuwait back to MI for a time, will be back in North Platte for the return home ceremonies.

I am going to drive up and be part of the welcome gang. I am putting together a Welcome Home kit. I had a bath-tub brainstorm and thought how wonderful it would be if we could throw in lots of Welcome Home cards. I have so many cool, fun, creative friends who could draw a funny picture or use the attached for inspiration, write a note, and maybe just include your first name and city. I will print them all off / burn messages / include this in my kit. if you want to contribute something physical I can shoot you mailing info. I know it's short notice but I thought I would love to fill up his basket with lots of love!

It's coming...

That's right suckas your mom is coming back. And this time she ain't bakin' no brownies. Stay tuned!

Why I hate MySpace

Okay, one of the reasons, one of the many reason, I hate MySpace and it's vomitous waste of time and talent is the ads that run non-stop with some obnoxious SPAM like banner. "Put the lipstick on the woman before time runs out and win a car!" But I almost poo'd myself the other day when the "Shoot the Rapper" banner ad came up. The cross hairs are supposed to look like camera but it seems pretty obvious as the African American cartoon figure shimmies across the screen that you're trying to shoot the rapper. Disgusting. Since then I've seen two others. Am I the only one that finds this f'n disturbing?

Do I sound like a broken record, or am I just repeating myself?

Well, I'm moving. Again. Although this time just across the hall to a bigger apartment. This makes the fifth move in the last 12 months. I think probably 80% of this danged blog has been about moving. I have actually PAINTED in the new pad; a smokey purple color for the bedroom and honey for the living room. I take this as a sign that I'm ready to settle. I love my apartment now but it's so tiny that sometimes I trip over myself. Even if it's just across the hall I still have to pick up, move and rearrange everything I own.

I am so excited! My kitchen is so much bigger and you won't hit your head on the wall when sitting on the potty. It's going to be a long day. :)

The first front

Today I began the serious battle of the buldge and went to the gym near work. I really didn't want to go, it was cold and I was tired and had all the excuses stacked up and neatly organized in my pocket. I went to the gym, internally whining and moaning and complaining. I felt like the fat kid - surrounded by these young, twenty-something hot bodies that hadn't been partying and eating their way through their mid-twenties. I was lamenting the fact that at one point I was trim and in good cardio condition and now found myself huffing and puffing on the stationary bike. I only made it through five minutes on that torturous climber / escalator thingie.

There was an older woman wearing a tan cap covering an apparently bald head; a cancer patient I assumed. She wore, from what I could tell, was a five dollar pair of worn black canvas Kmart shoes, modest knit pants and long-sleeved top with a paisely pattern. And, amist the Nike and Under Armor clad youth around her, she was kicking a*s all over the gym. When I was on my tour of the building she was lifting weights. She made her way to the stretching mat, I assumed to cool down, when she grabbed the oversized exercise ball, using the handrail to lower herself to the floor, and began doing some serious ab exercises. As I was getting ready to call it quits I found her again, this time doing more cardio on a seated bike. This incredible woman was waging a battle of her own greater than my lamentations over gaining weight and facing the upcoming wedding. I want to say that it motivated me to do another rep, another round on the treadmill, but instead I just wanted to go home and write about this cool thing that I saw, eat dinner and a to take a hot bath. Maybe tomorrow...

Select Cuts

Select Cuts runs from February 1 - 27, 2007 and features the work of artists Katrina Florell, Jake Gillespie, Peggy Gomez, Andrew Hershey, Jennifer Hoss, Wendy Lanik, Joey Lynch, Anthony Mundy and Mary Pattavina. The community is invited to meet the participating artists during the Opening Reception held on Sunday, February 4, 2007 from 2 - 4 p.m. This exhibition can be viewed during the regular gallery hours of Monday through Thursday, 8 a.m. - 9 p.m., Friday 8 a.m. - 5 p.m., and Sunday 11 a.m. - 5 p.m. The Jewish Community Center of Omaha is located at 333 South 132nd Street, Omaha, NE 68154.

Today's Hot dish

Hot Dish for Today: Pamcakes

Why pamcakes? This is a specialty dish of Neil and a traditional Borderline breakfast meal.

Insider fact: Two pamcakes and a scrambled egg make up the favorite breakfast of Borderline's Lynn. Borderliners refer to pancakes as "pamcakes"; referenced in one of the earliest episodes nearly two years ago. In the U.S., pancakes can also be referred to as hotcakes, griddlecakes, or flapjacks.

How: low-fat starter mixes are very nice but here's a great recipe if you want to do it the from-scratch way.

Pancakes

• Vegetable-oil cooking spray
• 3/4 cup whole-wheat pancake mix
• 3/4 cup skim milk
• 1 egg (For 33 mg less cholesterol, 0.5 g less saturated fat and 65 mg more omega-3 fatty acids, look for omega-3 specialty eggs. BUY CAGE-FREE Eggs, it's ethically more sound)
• 1/4 cup maple syrup
• 1 cup frozen blueberries or frozen strawberries, thawed (optional)
• Coat a nonstick skillet with cooking spray and heat over low to medium.* Whisk together pancake mix, milk, and egg. Pour 4 medium-sized pancakes (about 1/4 cup batter each) onto the hot skillet. Cook about 3 minutes; flip and cook about 3 minutes more. Serve with syrup (and berries, if desired)

*Danni's note: if you have non-stick cookware you really treasure, it's a bad idea to coat your beloveds in Pam or other cooking spray. A tiny bit of a trans-fat free butter or Omega-3 oil will do the same trick without leaving a sticky, gross residue on your cookware.

Source: Epicurious Breakfast Special

Triple whaa?

This week I received in the mail, among newsprint direct mail ads for King Super, glossy Sprint cards, and local restaurant menus, a renewal notice for AAA. In itself a AAA car club notice isn't that exciting but as I opened the letter I was really stunned with disbelief. I purchased the AAA membership when I decided to uproot myself from Lincoln and head southwest toward the Rockies almost ONE YEAR AGO. Has it really been this long since an unemployed, overweight Danni packed up her life and took up residence on Brandon's dining room floor?

It's an odd time for the notice to come because the last couple of weeks have been rife with excessive drinking, relationship changes, and general melancholy. A light has been redirected with the arrival of the notice center stage on me - letting the surrounding props fall away into darkness. I've been thinking about what I've done in the last year and, even more than the cliche New Year's resolutions, I've found myself formulating what the next year should be. I don't want to still be in a going-nowhere relationship and yet I've built a great circle of friends already. Spending my weekend holed up in my apartment isn't how I want to get the next letter, I want to be traveling or rediscovering my new home through cultural events. In any case, I've got one year down, a lifetime to go.

And hey, this new Chinese takeaway joint sounds delish! Two for one on Wednesday yo, holla!

Today's HOT dish

HOT dish of the day: The majestic chinchilla

411: Chinchillas must regularly bathe in dust or volcanic ash to remove oil and moisture that gathers in their thick fur. In fact, they have the highest fur density of any land animal with more than 20,000 hairs per square cm, or almost as much as Lynn's majestic, thick curly doo. They are agile jumpers and can jump up to five feet above their head. In captivity they can live up to 20 years! In Chinese, they are called lóng māo, which literally means "dragon-cat".

Why are they the first HOT dish of the day? B/c you cannot resist their awesome cuteness power.

Source: Wikipedia

The King and I

Reasons why I suck at being a grown-up

• Still can't handle my liquor and not only that should not be partying like a rock star at my age. (Can't remember at least two nights from last week)
• Incapable of commitment, incapable of making a clean break with my boyfriend
• Joined a gym last night; celebrated with a giant bag of kettle chips
• My Bad Guy filter is stuck in the off position and the repairman said it would take at least another 2 years to get the part in
• I still live in what amounts to a dorm room and yet can't keep it clean
• Drunk dialing
• Procrastination
• Forgot to pay my electric bill as it was buried under Pampered Chef catalog covered in little hearts
• Writing out blog notes during my work (lunch)
• General f*ckwittage

Purity BALLS

Apparently Colorado Springs is home not only to homophobic right-wing "Christians" with reformation camps, they're making sure their girls stay "pure." Apparently women who choose to have sex are dirty, impure and don't deserve jewlry. And not only that, it's a WAR dad. Because these girls have no brains and need you to fight for the integrity of their h-units. It's like a yuppie version of a chastity belt only, like you totally like get to wear this super cool ring like on your hand. From you dad. It's a pledge to your dad that you will not have spread your wings and stay a virgin. I am all about women making the choices they want including abstinence as a personal decision, but not by bribery. And certainly not as a means of throwing a party in honor of your cherry. And, how do they know if a girl keeps her promise? Do the dads then check said area? And if failing said test do the girls have to give back the ring? I actually had a friend in high school who wore one of these "Promise" rings from her stepdad pledging her religious chastity and then, after getting knocked up in college, dropped out. I guess it wasn't a real diamond.

Seriously gross.

Glamour Magazine reports:

• Welcome to Colorado Springs’ Seventh Annual Father-Daughter Purity Ball, held at the five-star Broadmoor Hotel. The event’s purpose is, in part, to celebrate dad-daughter bonding, but the main agenda is for fathers to vow to protect the girls’ chastity until they marry and for the daughters to promise to stay pure. Pastor Randy Wilson, host of the event and cofounder of the ball, strides to the front of the room, takes the microphone and asks the men, “Are you ready to war for your daughters’ purity?”

Still snowy

I could barely put my arms down. That's what 15 layers of clothing will do to a person.

Throw me idol, I'll throw you the whip.

Harrison Ford, snuggly granddad, once heartthrob and frequenter of Lincoln, NE's The Night Before Lounge strip club, is set to star in Indiana Jones 4: Indie goes to Arby's, in 2008. George Lucas, Steven Spielberg and Ford have finalized the script for the fourth and long-awaited quatrille to the beloved action flicks. In the newest movie, Ford gets a coupon for four for five of Arby's lean roast beef sandwiches and goes to dinner at 3:30 PM. The imortalized whip, iconic of the Indie flicks, will be used to lasso himself a Jamoca shake and 20% off his meal. I jest but secretly am thrilled beyond reason that they're finally making a new one. This is one of the best rides at DL, fo shizzle.

New Year's Resolution

As posted on Borderline's "After the Show" section:

1. Obviously will lose at least 20 pounds
2. Will memorize The Immaculate Collection in case of Thai prison incarceration
3. Adopt a fish (frogs need not apply)
4. Take the bus to work
5. Learn how to use buses
6. Get back to riding at least 50 miles / week
7. Learn how to make gravy that doesn't frighten even Marines when inspecting the soup pot. It's going to need siving!
8. Post at least once a week on my blog
9. Begin planning European vacation
10. Stop kicking strays for fun
11. Go to the Podcast Expo 2007
12. Beat Ferg in danceoff after he's lost the Car Bomb off to Lynn
13. Return emails when sent to me
14. Stop sharking people when I don't get my way
15. Climb a mountain, and then sing "Climb Every Mountain" when have reached the summit
16. Learn how to do this "dusting" thing
17. Bust a cap
18. Reach 365 days with no self-inflicted knife wounds
19. Read at least 12 books that aren't my special picture pages
20. Take the GRE

New apartment fun

UPDATE: new pics of new apartment fun on my Flickr page. Yeah for Flickr!

I am slow

I have been struggling with Blogger and haven't had the time to mess with it. I will work on some new postings but in the meantime check out the new Borderline podcast, #62. Comedic gold. :)

Vocation Vacation

I was reading an article in the paper last week about these new services popping up that give people the opportunity to take vacation from their real jobs and try out a new one. The article highlighted some young international banker hot-shot who took early retirement at (get this) 42 to become a dog trainer. Next week is a show week, meaning a big trade show occurs next week - this one in Florida. And its times like these that I begin to ponder other careers. At first the idea of PAYING someone to work seemed crazy and in some ways it seems sort of like a let-them-eat-cake pastime for the upper class. But the more I think about it, the more I think what other jobs might I like to try. [wavy dream sequence and harp string music]

• Nurse: lots of access to doctors, drugs and of course, help people
• Journalist: go back to the J-School and split my time between advertising and news ed
• Chef: I don't have that much natural talent or patience, I do like to eat good things tho
• Restaurant reviewer: see above
• President: hey, even I could do a better job
• Inventor: I am forever thinking of cool things that would make me billions of dollars
• Attorney: enough said I think.
• Event promoter
• Horse rider (pro)
• College professor
• Forest ranger / guide

Things I would never want to do:

• Day care provider
• Winter car wash operator
• Gardener
• In-house IT staff person
• Personal stylist (everyone would end up in jeans and a t-shirt)
• Butcher (again)
• Highway construction person
• Kill mechanic at a processing plant
• Anything with heavy machinery

How about you?

Love Is

An afternoon pick-me-up note from a friend.

"I heart you! Just keep at it and things will get better. Deep breathing. If that doesn't work, go out into the mountains and punch a coyote in the head."

Open the Gaits!

Morning weight: 157.5 pounds

Yesterday's meals (bad):
Breakfast: low-sugar oatmeal with 2/3 cup soy milk
Snack: 15 baby carrots and salsa
Lunch: (yikes) Tin Star chicken and portabella mushroom soft tacos. Initially skipped the soft taco shell and rice, later at the shells separately during a business luncheon. F*ck.
Dinner: (completely unskinned) baked chicken breast, leg, thigh meat (they were so tiny! I swear) extra large salad w/ sprinkle feta cheese and salsa, two or three dill pickles
Walk: 1 hour
Evening: Skinny cafe au lait w/sugar free vanilla shot

I have been attempting to at least walk for an hour a day in addition to trying to get back into shape. I have rediscovered my most belov'ed diet snacks. Dill pickles (cut into four spears) and popcorn. The bad thing is that popcorn smells like ass and makes the apartment gross but Roommate won't have to live with it a long time. Also have been eating salad like a maniac. So hungry! Bah humbug. :)

First full week of dieting begins!

9 Months to go!

Will this upgrade make me prettier?

I broke down today and bought a used external hard drive in order to back up my Mac - b/c there was no other way to finally get this done. I am seriously considering an Erase and Install and try to really soup up this bad boy. God help my computer b/c I am not the most tech savvy. The upgrade will allow me to Skype into the show and also to be more popular.

Upgrade listening: the new BORDERLINE! Finally out, check it out. This episode features Booming Cave Voice™. Also be sure to check out our new, souped up After the Show section.

UPDATE: Success! Success! I even did a clean install! I am so proud of me. Thanks AirFerg!

Borderline logo drawing by the fantaboo Len of Jawbone Radio.

T-minus

Today begins my 10 months of dieting and losing my unemployment / post college / whiskey-swilling weight. I am just going to rip that band-aid off, no one finds me attractive anyway so who gives a shit. I am going to track my progress on the blog:

Weight: 160
Goal weight: 135 (min)
Deadline: April 1
Help needed: Jackie from that gym show on Bravo

I am tired of being embarrassed of myself and I definitely don't want to feel that way at Kat's wedding. I am hoping to lose 15 at least by Thanksgiving. ugh. My boyfriend, I just found out, is leaving for a month and a half. I wouldn't care but I just started to maybe sort of kind of almost get a little attached and now I have to move out of my apartment and my only other friend is leaving. Maybe I can redirect my energies into exercise. Considering gym membership for pool access.

You said you were going to NY to be a gymnast

Day 2: NYC.
Temperature: 8 billion degrees
Humidity: 98%
Times I've eaten: twice
Working hours: lots
Initial survery says: NYC is cool
Things I've seen: JK Rowling in a window or someone famous, the Mac underground store off of fifth, Berdorf's actual windows, Central Park, some water, the Hilton, a Trump Tower ironically with a huge for rent space on the first floor of the building
Needed: text messages
Not needed: a sweater
Plans: go to Rockerfeller Center and watch for Conan and / or punch Matt L in the face*

*per request from Lynn

Here comes the baby sister

During my afternoon nap, my little sister, my only sibling, called me to tell me her boyfriend had proposed this morning on their Minnesota vacation. I have been kind of reeling all day. This is a sharp reminder of how much I miss my family and the things I miss out on having moved away. I wondered about what was going on with my parents and how my mom was feeling. I enjoyed the thought of my big-kid dad having to keep this secret to himself for two weeks. This is the man who, unable to keep secrets or gifts under wraps, first let us begin opening a single gift on Christmas Eve. Then it was half of our gifts and now all gifts are opened the night before Christmas. Stockings are still saved for Christmas morning but I get the sense that even that is a trial for him.

Part of me is surprised because my sister is my little sister, now 20, and I'm sure she'll always feel like that to me. My great aunt, who's 86, still babies my grandmother who is 83. I guess that being a big sister never leaves you. Part of it might be my crushing fear of commitment, hell, I could only get myself to sign a six-month-lease on my apartment. I haven't heard any details about what they're thinking for a wedding. All I know is that she'll be a beautiful bride and I'll get hammered at the reception.

And I hate that there is even a single part of me that feels a pang of exclusion but that's how I feel. I am absolutely happy for my sister; her boyfriend is a really sweet guy and they're perfect for one another. At the same time, as a sort of pseudo matriarch of the family, a tiny part of me feels like an old maid. My family is in general well-educated but there is still a traditional sense of value in married life and children. The thought of people pitying me or making comments because she will be married first is exhausting. I know how those conversations will go b/c I've heard them over and over about other family and friends from back home. I know that we are very different people and I've had lots of experiences she hasn't because our interests and goals are so diverse. Maybe she thinks sometimes about moving away, I don't know. But it's not about me, it's about Kat.

Deep down, I just can't wait to see the ring. It sounds really beautiful.

You're So bitter you think he's sweet

"well he's wrong for you I swear."

I have been a slacker about writing. Planning and writing notes go to waste when I don't have the self-drive to put it into concrete form. The one thing I promised myself about this blog is that I would be truthful and honest about what's going on in my life. It's terrible when love affairs, even insignificant ones, interrupt your flow. Wait for more coolness to come from Your Mom...well, you know what I mean.

Look both ways!

Now, I don't mean to say all Colorado people are chew on a shoe crazy. But there are more insane pedestrians in this city than I've ever seen anywhere - and I'm counting San Francisco AND Ft. Lauderdale which have between them a insane number of yoo hoo's on the street. It's not to say that there are a lot of insane or mentally ill residents, I mean literally people on the streets. Pedestrians in this fair city seem to ignore the rules of traffic and seem to have no qualms about walking out into oncoming cars. I wonder if it's that perhaps Denverites are more exact, more calculating in their pathways. It's not enough for them to take patterns at right-angle intersections, they need to go directly to their destination; moving vehicles be damned. Perhaps the high altitude skews the brain's natural sense of cartography. This evening on my drive home I saw a group of people, three adults to be exact, cross six lanes of traffic TWICE. Together they ran, undaunted between cars, MOVING CARS and then back again.

At one point, one of the men started to bark at people in their cars. He was quite an intimidating figure - tattoos, shaved head, crazy hollow eyes and dirty overalls complimented by a dingy beater tank. Not alone in his journey, he was accompanied by a whooping girl wearing short short cut-off's and yellow, bleached hair and another companion running with a full, gas station soda. While I found the situation less than ideal after a long day at work - I was most amused by the reaction of the yuppie in the Honda in front of me. As the barking man passed his car he did the stare-ahead, pretend nothing is happening look. Once Barker had passed, Yuppie stared out the driver's side window with a death glare. The glare of man defending his territory, a primeval, instinctive glare bore down on the back of the unknowing barker as crossed three more lanes and was on his way. Fierce, burning stare with the questioning look so obvious on his face: Do I call the police? Do I do something? How can I not?!? This is MY street, I'm the one in a Honda! Becoming more and more simplistic. Turning as if to find something on the passenger's seat, perhaps in his attache. Where's my club? Man in oxford tough!

It was amazing, it was so instinctive - but alas, fleeting. I guess that rolled-up car windows block both UV rays and yuppie stare downs.

Cap'n Jack is BACK!

I just saw Pirates of the Carribean II. It was AMAZING. I am still so excited and flustered I think I have a fever. It was a packed house at the amazing United Artists theater in downtown Denver. I won't spoil, but there's a huge shocker ending! I am so in love.

I am still a child, when it comes to something wild

I spent my Independence Day weekend remitting my beloved grandparents to an assisted living apartment; giving up their independence. I gave up a lot to get to be there for my grandmother, who is my familial best friend, and had to leave her crying in her apartment. I get made fun of a lot for being a Jimmy Buffet fan, but when it comes to the fourth of July I think of this song. "The Night I Painted the Sky" It reminds me of nights like this past Monday, when my Uncle and is family, and my best friend, joined us for cheap fireworks and decadent sundaes in the hot Nebraska night. Everyone quits bickering, and picking at one another, and one fifth of the Stewarts (12) are still and sitting for more than five minutes. It's like a deep sigh in the middle of a crowded football game. If you enjoy this song, check out this album. I think it's both delicate and fun.

It's the child in me, selfish as it sounds, who can't say goodbye to the old house on Washington Street, now decrepit and falling down. I walked into the kitchen, during the move, and pressed my hand against the oak paneling and felt, for sure, it was not only my grandparents who were moving on but a goodbye to my home too.

I just did some poon

And not in the way that the boys would wish. Tonight I went out with a friend, her boyfriend, and the boyfriend's roomie. The roomie = n'est pas gentil. So my gfriend and her boyfriend took off in a dead we're-gonna-screw- dead run. And I don't blame them! I miss my Frenchman tonight. But they left me with the roomie, who when drunk can either a) come to blows w/said Dannielle and almost did tonight or b) be very nice. So the roommate was left behind; not so coyly grabbing my breasts and hitting on me. And so I decided to leave him, on some random street, asking him, "Are you a man? Are you afraid? Because I'm going home alone but if you're afraid I'll walk with you." With the total intention of ditching this creepy grabbo. So I left him, only two blocks from my house, on my bike, realizing that I HADN'T PAID MY TAB. The horror. I am freely and willingly able to abort the rules when given the chance, but I do not - I repeat, do NOT, leave a tab. So I call 411, got the name of the bar, and apologized. I then disassembled my bike, loaded it up, and drove back. Upon my arrival, the bar tenders were so excited that I came back, the three of us - Elisse, Nick and I - did a "poon tang." Which is like a mixture of some millions of alcohol and Red Bull (gag) but it was actually good. I did the right thing - and was rewarded w/more alcohol! Yeah for honesty!

RIP, little Dell

I had my brand new Dell laptop for a grand total of...SIX days. And yesterday, as I clicked "GOOGLE" to find a court reporting trade pub, it froze. It didn't just freeze though - even the mouse shut off and it was if I was suddenly in the movie powder. There was a flash of light, and in an instant, I knew that the Dell was gone. We tried to restart but the keyboard wasn't talking to the mother board. We tried to power-restart, to "close it's eyes" if you will. It wouldn't even powder back on. So we let everything sit and cool-down, knowing that these new Intel Centrino dual core mumbo jumbo processors are running really hot. And what did we get therefore? It quickly flashed the Latitude black and white startup, and then, a dark screen with a blinking cursor. The Dell had died, right before my very eyes! I guess if it had to happen, I'm glad it did it now, before I was months down the road and full of files. But now all my email is gone, my work so far, and I gotta be honest, I'm not a happy camper. It's like that new Mac spot with the PC and the Mac, and the PC freezes, "I'll go get IT," I said.

Please don't make me do it

This is my friend Dan, cool name, eh? Dan looks like a nice, normal guy but is actually crazy-go-nuts-university. He is going to run TWO marathons in ONE WEEK this fall. The first is the Chicago Marathon on October 22, the second is in D.C. on October 29. Now, I would usually point and laugh at someone for running on purpose, but Dan is running for the Lukemia and Lymphoma Society through their "Team in Training Program." Dan is going to run in honor of Kirsten, a kindergartener from Lincoln who began her battle with cancer last fall. There is a kickin' site where you can donate to Dan's cause and track his progress...and every move. Let's push him over the top of his goal! Just point me in the direction of the celebratory party b/c I know he'll kick ass.

Congrats to the Keeme

Congrats to the Keeme of the KeemeCast on this weekend's OS #1 wedding and more importantly, on his forthcoming dowry goat.

Halloumi UPDATE! UPDATE

Halloumi is carried by "Whole Foods" markets!!! I asked the deli counter boy for some, he found one left and told me "I was very lucky." Apparently it's flying off of shelves. I wanted to point out to him that this isn't communist Russia and I wasn't looking for potty paper, I was looking for specialty cheese from Cyprus at a Whole Foods, but I was so excited I wet myself a little and ran to the express lane.

Eat my nummies

B/c I am such a foodie (my new favorite term) these are my picks for nummies for this week:

Halloumi = fucking orgasmic cooking cheese from Cyprus. It's very hard to find, I haven't found anywhere in Denver that carries it yet but it is unbelievably wonderful. I had some at Bristol Farms in Newport Beach and then we bought some to cook. A friend actually did them on skewers with other meats but you can cook it in a pan. It has a more fibrous consistency like tofu without the taste of feet and more like the taste of a first kiss. Find it, try it, love me! Wait, sorry, got carried away.

Mezetta, who makes some of my favorite pre-packaged salad treats is making new (whole clove stuffed) Garlic Olives MARINATED in - get this - brine and Napa Valley Chardonnay. Holy shit they're good; I have quite a few friends who love the gourmet green olives, these are awesome w/out the hassle of blue cheese stuffing.

Smoking Loon Merlot, a cheap but tasty bottle common in some areas as a nice house red, is a light, nice red to accompany any dinner. I love my chardonnay and if you're serving cold cheese with appetizers like veggies I "suppose" you should serve a white but tempt fate! I dare you. As a poor NOW EMPLOYED I am toasting myself with a nice light glass. I wanted to try some of this Chateauneuf du Pape comme mes amis, c'est trop cher pour cette fille.

Best lunch ever! I had a crab sandwich in Newport Beach with the delovely Shelly from AirFerg I had a traditional broiled crab sandwich that blew away our tiny pea brains, and when picking apart my rich and delicious dish we got the secret! Take sourdough (always best on the West Coast and San Fran, but you can choose a hard white bread, it might even be good with a bagette) and place it open faced on a pan. Baste with butter both sides of each piece of bread. THEN, sprinkle sugar on both pieces of bread. Use a light or lightly seasoned mayo if you choose on top of the sugar; place your cooked crab (we had blue) and place a slice of swiss cheese on each piece of bread. Broil. You will be a happy camper.

I just jammed my pants

Thanks a lot, Jawbone. For the love of pearl run, DON'T walk, to Jawbone Radio podcast. The dynamic duo of Len and Nora has scored an interview with THE Michael J. Nelson of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Don't be a fool, it's so good. Holy chipotle, I have such a crush on this guy.

"Cal honey, put your shoes on, we're at Grandma's. Where can I empty my hat?"

My first day!

Today is my first day! Woot woot! I am very excited but have an unfortunate cough I believe is soley due to my needs for some monkey lungs. I hope that:

• I don't spill hot coffee on anyone
• No accidental nervous toots in front of the new staff
• The Regal Beagle has no problems
• I kick some ass, of course, but first days are like finding out where paper clips and the potty are
• My monkey lungs arrive

Intense body of work

Sunday Lynn and I traversed all 10 blocks down Colorado Blvd in the Regal Beagle to see "BodyWorlds 2: The Anatomical Exhibition of Real Human Bodies" at the Denver Museum of Nature & Science. It was definitely an intense experience and while I have been wanting to go for quite some time, had quite an arresting sense of nervousness as we approached the entrance. Among hundreds upon hundreds of other people our group was corraled into a small containment area before entering - and were informed that a) EVERYTHING was real b) we couldn't leave and return c) THE BODIES WEREN'T UNDER GLASS so keep "little ones" from TOUCHING THE BODIES.

Using a resin process called Plastination, Gunther von Hagen preserves the body with striking natural color and form. The bodies on display are quite artfully posed, using a combination of an action with the way in which that particular was dissected. For instance, a woman called "Angel" is posed with her trapezius and shoulder muscles lifted and upheld as wings, exposing inner organs from the back to the front. It was really intersting, and if you have the chance I would definitely encourage you to go. Lynn was more upset by the hair, many bodies still had fingernails, eyebrows, and eyelashes. That made them seem much more real and human. It was really intense and by the end I was quite ready to be gone.

Are you clipping like a bitch?

Last night I made an impromtu visit on the AirFerg Bonus Feed #29. I sound like a bunghole but Ferg and Shelly are so much fun. Check it out. Ack, it's hard to listen to yourself, especially if you're me.

Hands on a miracle

I used to think that making friends was a matter of gregarious and open manner, and a matter of karma. I have discovered it's mostly karma, and I have been mostly spoiled. Guess who's coming to see me! I hope she's fine, and I'm sure she is. Oh yeah! Denver "rulz." Check it baby, we'z going to see the Rockies in action!

Today's Song of the Day, in honor of my guest, is "Hands on a Miracle" by the Foo. The Foo Fighters, come on now. No one NEEDS a link for that. :)

Taming the beast!

Trying really hard to get back to regular postings - I am in the middle of upgrading my operating system thanks to a gift from some sexy, wonderful friends out west! Love you! This will allow me to Skype into Borderline with a mic instead of participating via phone. It's gonna be grrrrrrrreat!

Vapid

That's what has become of the Dannielle. I miss my friends, my beautiful friends who care about how I am and, in reciprocity, I care about how they are. Not in a way that you're interested about your great-aunt's aunt's husband, I care that my friends are okay, and not sick and hopefully happy - and if they're not I'll make sure they're okay. We each have our demons, some of us darker and more demonic than others. I am not scared. I was thinking of an ex-lover this week and how it felt to be in his bed. Unfulfilling yet lovely. I was thinking of those times that I hurt myself, hurt others. Today's song is "I Will Follow You into the Dark," by Death Cab for Cutie. I hope my readers are more happy than I this week.

*happy smile*

Thanks for all of your support!

Arrrrrgh, time for yee to walk the plank

<--- "...and this ma'am, is a crappy logo I did in college..."

I am preparing for my big second job interview today, reviewing my portfolio and trying to find "very casual" but dressy clothes for my Starbucks meeting. So far this morning, I've already smashed my fourth toe, making it turn all purple under the nail, and woke up with pink eye...again! This gal is going to think I'm some kind of one-eyed pirate leper. This morning I woke up extra early, already nervous and kind of excited. I need this job! Oh, I need good luck...and some coffee!

I am OUT OF BED! Whoo hoo!

After returning home Tuesday evening from a trip home over the weekend, I spent almost all of yesterday in bed. I think all of the meds, and sickness, and travel caught up to me. I am out of bed this morning AND I took a shower! Hold the phone, I think it's alive...and ready to kick some ass.

With our hearts together but our hands apart

Today's song of the day might require a little searching, if you need help accessing it, email me. I listened to this song about 100 times on my drive back from Nebraska and it made me think of Lynn and my friends from home. And I cried - a lot. But it's a groovy little ditty. This is from Josh Ritter's first, self-titled album. Today's Song of the Day is "Paths will Cross." Enjoy!

Is anyone else seeing starfish on the walls?

Made it back to Lincoln, stayed with the lovely and my only Neil last night. Half way through the drive I wanted to quit. Not good when it's around 530 miles total. I went to my old family GP today b/c I couldn't take the overwhelming sickness anymore. I got among other things: an inhaler (my first! I'm so proud), antibiotics, antihistamines (which I can't afford so f*ck that) and a cough syrup - with hydrocodone in it! Life is frickin' great. The walls melting for you too? Oh, just me.

Eyes and teeth, eyes and teeth

I am trying to get ready for a big job interview. A) I knicked myself shaving and had to the toilet paper graft to stop the bleeding from an unnoticed bug bite that got sliced off B) I still sound like a 13 year old boy C) I smell like a giant HALLS cough drop D) this is in the "Denver Tech Center," it's possible I may never find my way out. Please friends, send me positive vibes! :)

Omaha-ns, Lee Terry Eviscerated on The Colbert Report

I got a desperate yet excited phone call from my sister yesterday, declaring that Nebraska's 2nd Congressional Rep., the asshat Republican Lee Terry, was on The Colbert Report. This hits home in a few ways - as obviously, I am FROM Nebraska's second district, Lee Terry lives in Valley, where my parents, Lynnie and Terry's caustic, hateful bitch-ass wife reside, Omaha Steaks owner Kathy Simons was my high school mentor (see the CC story) and as I've stated before - I love Stephen Colbert. In my desperation to find this video clip I stumbled upon a delicious New Nebraskan blog entry about the interview. You can view the clip on the Comedy Central Web site, but I could only hear that audio b/c of my danged old compy. This is a hilarious look at where we grew up, and our douchebag Congressional representative. I am trying to find the original broadcast date, I believe that it's May 10 if you want to download it from iTunes.

So much funny, brain...overheating...

Welcome Cadence!

And with that, another Stewart derivative takes to Earth. DUN DUN DUN. Almost as scary as the Stay Puft man...nawwww.

Stay PUFT!

Dun dun dun...

Nice Hummer

Yesterday I went to the DMV b/c in the process of applying for my passport I need a valid ID that matches my current residence or at least is in the same state. So, I hauled my fanny down, pink eye and all, to the Denver DMV. Now, funny enough, in Denver proper there is only actually ONE DMV building and it's in the southwestern part of town, in a really depreciated neighborhood. It's odd to see Lexus SUVs and even nice little compact cars in the lot, it seems out of place. The building which appears to be an old grocery store is ill-designed for the massive number of people there. A stinky pack of PWT, two guys and a girl, engaged in an awkward and public flirting threesome. I had thankfully brought along my iPod for entertainment b/c I stood in line about an hour and a half. Now, as much as I complained about renewing my license back home, it was a dream compared to this. I had to wear my glasses and when it was finally my turn thought I was going to actually fail the eye test, I couldn't read the line of letters at the top. My photo, I have a feeling, is going to look like a mug shot - worst picture of me ever. And not only that, I won't receive the actual license for 30 days. Argh!

Overheard conversation behind me:
[yuppie, 8' 16-year-old girl]: Daddy, daddy, I want to call mommy and tell her I passed!
[yuppie dad to over-sunglassed, now I've made it even w/a neck tattoo guy]: Nice Hummer you got out there. How long have you had it?
[Sunglasses]: I bought it for Christmas, so just since December
[yuppie 16-year-old]: I'm going to tell mommy first that I failed. Daddy, give me a phone.
[yuppie daddy]: How is that on gas mileage.
[Sunglasses]: Well, it got about 12 to 14 mpg, but after I put on the rims and tires it gets about 8 mpg
[Yuppie daddy]: Wow, that's tough
[Sunglasses]: Yeah, it costs be about $85 each time to fill it up
[Yuppie giant girl]: Mommy, I passed, so you have to give up that extra garage stall! Daddy will have to move the BMW to his side

The conversation then devolved into discussions of skiing v. snowboarding and I threw up in my mouth a little, turned up On the Media and waited for the soothing sounds of Bob Garfield to carry me away.

Little Miss Evil's got a way with people

This next song really doesn't have anything to do with anything except my BFF loves it and so it makes me think of her. Today's Song of the Day is "Forget My Name" by Danko Jones. Rock n' roll, Lynnie. I probably will in fact burn in hell with you. ;)

$20k for Americans

We just got done with our much anticipated "Scary movie night" here at the D-dawg & Roommate pad. I admit, I was stoned on TheraFlu for much of the duration, but we watched honestly two lame-ass movies. The first movie was "Wolf Creek," an Australian flick based on the alleged true-life event of three young backpackers and those who came (and went, alack) before them. It was okay, usually I prefer the based-on-a-real-story type thrillers, whereas this was meh, okay. I have a ringing in my ear that's infected such that I have an actual ECHO in my own ear! This makes screaming and high-pitched minor notes on the violin much more intense. Plus, that made it impossible for me to understand the Australians. Fortunately - not much talky talky. This movie was okay, I would give it 100 out of 1000 stars.

The next movie, the much ballyhooed "Hostel" starring Jay Hernandez had something I felt like the first movie lacked - a triumphant end. However, the first forty minutes of the film were honestly just porn. So I can imagine that high school to thirty-something guys got into it. So much t & a I felt like I should actually HAVE penis to be watching it, you know, as a pre-req. Honestly, I kind of wanted to see all three get a good axing, they were kind of pigs! Two of the three mains characters disappear pretty quickly after the porn fantasy ends and Hernandez, as "Paxton" is able to escape (albeit w/quite some difficulty) only to run into the bad guy down the line... and SHAZAM! Comeuppance! He's a man on the edge! Forgetting, of course, that he would have been in shock hours and hours prior to this and probably would have bled out and died. At least let the man give himself a tourniquet. I had been excited b/c I had heard this movie was really scary. Sources say: icky and lame. I give it 20 stars and a Pepto-Bismol.

Do I stay or do I go?

I am not going to give some detailed explanation. I shall spare you, I just feel like today's Song of the Day is fitting for the Denver atomosphere. It's hot here today, take a walk and get yourself some ice cream. Enjoy: "Fairest of the Seasons" by husky voiced, iconic rock songstress Nico.

Cool Nerd Alert #1

"Rick Steves' Europe" is an awesome show played here in the states on PBS. I love this show and I don't care who knows it, making Rick Steves my first Cool Nerd Alert. A tour guide by trade, he has written books as well as having radio and television programs. For someone like me, who has not yet been able to travel to Europe, it's a delightful eye candy feast of scenery, food, people, customs, art and culture through the eyes of an easy-going American nerd. He's relatable b/c he's not some overly-muscled x-treme sports fanatic going at everything w/out reserve or someone who will pretentiously review only a city's four-star offerings. Je l'adore! In the states, you can find listings at www.pbs.org.

Mommy!!!

I have pissed off the disease gods. I am at home with pink eye (both eyes), sinus and ear infections (both of the them), and a UTI. I just made myself walk down to Panera for some Greek salad goodness and get off of the couch for the first time in approx. 3 days. I have been showering twice a day, so I wasn't too terribly stinky. I hate not having health insurance, it cost me $100 just to get antibiotics for the UTI and I'm just going to try to wait out the others. So I'm crusty and squinty and have to refill another prescription, which will cost me another billion dollars or so. I guess I am going to walk myself down to the pharmacy. I was trying to explain to my neighborhood clinic that I couldn't afford to go back to another doctor to get a scrip for eye drops, and I almost started crying. It was that terrible feeling when you're sick, and you can't be rational or make decisions, and I just wanted my mommy. I have lots of nice friends here, but my roommate was gone and others were busy - and it felt v. lonely to be sick and by myself. I am anxious about the wedding we have to shoot this weekend, but will be happy for some hugs and maybe some home cooking. Blech, my ears hurt!

If you love fast food, stop here

In college I read a book called, "Fast Food Nation" for a philosophy of modern issues class. Written by journalist Eric Schlosser in fact-style writing, this book is a time-traveling look at the fast food industry and those built up around the rise of a Fast Food Nation. This includes the realities of today's industrial environment including the use and abuse of immigrant labor, animal treatment and welfare, and the safety of the food millions consume each day. I happened to see that they have made a movie of this amazing, muck-raker style book called Fast Food Nation - The Movie based on Schlosser's work and stars one of my favs, the delicious Greg Kinnear. It's a featured video today on YouTube, check it out. Honestly, this book is moving, I read the book, millions have read the book, but I never stopped eating fast food. What does that say about us?

Oh yeah! I bet I can care even LESS!

Blanket apology to friends and family (not that any of them know about / read this blog) for my poor attitude this week and lack of communication. I am just having a hard time and can't seen to get my balance. My week isn't getting any better, I'm taking myself out this afternoon (it's time to walk the Dan) and maybe that will help. Sometimes it's hard, even when you know you should, to keep your chin(s) up.

Great Song of the Day sent to me by an awesome friend. It's "Fire Sign" by David Berkeley - thanks much for the song dude.

Photo by J. Lynn Batten, 2006

We all feel this way sometimes

Oh yeah, I'm taking it there. [makes rock n' roll hand sign, tongue out] Today's Song of the Day is "Soulshine" by Gov't Mule. And yes, I've seen them live and yes, it was for a boy. BUT, they were actually very cool and I had a great time. I feel like I need this song today.

Random Rundown

• Last night at the tavern someone put a cigarette out on my hand, was a fantastic blister pop this morning. Quite impressive.
• My annoying, pipsqueek of a "boss" got fired, thus relieving me of Rockies evil credit card duty. Hazah! Oh wait, now I have nothing nothing.
• I found Lynn's Bon Jovi Greatest hits album in my iTunes library, I love finding random shit like that. Lay your hands on me!
• This week I satisfied my 1x/2 years craving for Long John Silvers. Fish planks - it's both a pose, and a food, and a wooden walkway!
• This week a bird bath / planter showed up in my living room.
• On a mountain trail run on Saturday I encountered a swarm of bees on a narrow path; ran like hell and had no stings. They must have sense my awesomeness.
• Grey's Anatomy was so, so good except for the putting down of the dog; I sobbed like a little bitch. If you don't watch this show, you're a Class-A nerd.
• Learned how to download a new screen saver for my phone in manner of a nanna. Got "Classic Mickey" b/c I panicked and hit "buy."

We rarely practice discern

Fitting for today's issues, this is a groovy little diddy by Spoon. "The Way We Get By" is today's Song of the Day.

Am I being followed?!?

A friend of mine told me yesterday that I have a "persecution complex." I have been going over and over it in my mind and feeling really sad about this. "Persecution complex" is just a nicer way of saying, "It's all about me complex," and what hurts is that there is probably some validity to it. The context of the situation is that in the last couple of weeks I was very, very briefly involved with a kid that hangs out at my favorite neighborhood bar - a place, I might add, where I spend a great deal of time. Unfortunately, so does he. I hadn't heard from him and awkwardly ran into him last week at the bar. I tried to be genial and make conversation as a way to alleviate the weirdness. Not only had he not called me back (which was fine b/c the guy, to put it delicately, was as good as the weird, brown wrinkled fry you find inbetween the car seat and the floor months after your Happy Meal) but he was acting embarrassed and almost ashamed. How humiliating! He had walked by me in the bar, clearly had seen me, and told me later he hadn't. Awful! Not only did I make a poor choice by hooking up with this douchebag in the first place, I had to continue to see him and watch him act like I was some leper troll. So the other night, he came up to my friend and I asking after another regular we know. I answered but was curt, I mean, wtf. I don't really feel like I need to converse, and yet my curt behavior made me feel guilty. I hate that! I am finally being better about making clean cuts when something isn't good, he dicks around like a coward, and I feel GUILTY about not being nicer.

Now, I'm a grown woman and in no way am I evading responsibility. I made those choices, I knew what I was doing and am in no way a victim. I am more pissed at myself b/c not only did I have my blinders on b/c I was kind of lonely but now I am uncomfortable at a place that had become sort of my safe-haven. I do wish that he had just been a man, and called me, and in five minutes we could have had it all worked out and avoided the bar weirdness. I know that what this Douchebaggo thinks shouldn't hurt my feelings, but it does. As tough as I wish I could be it still hurts when you're rejected, no matter what the circumstances - even if you're rejected by a lame coward. And I was relating my less-than-classy curt conversation w/Douchebaggo, who had no business talking to me at the bar quite frankly, as well as discussing an upcoming trip with my friend when he gave me the label.

When I talk about what's going on in my life, it's not because I feel unfairly put upon, or persecuted, it's just how I deal with things. I am emotional, but only temporarily irrational. I work things out, or deal with even painful things, by talking (sometimes yelling) and just purging myself of bad feelings and then, give me five minutes, I'll laugh about it and move on. So when I'm upset, it's usually b/c I'm hurt. In this emotional state, it's hard for me to take feedback about other people's perspectives, or what I might misperceive or worse, what I am doing wrong because you can't rationalize feelings. I just need to vent and feedback like that is difficult to digest; it says to me, even though it's almost never the intent, that I should just be sucking it up, keeping my mouth shut, letting it go. That kind of feedback almost always comes from guy friends. It feels unfair and shameful. And I don't know how to change this about myself, I certainly can't be silenced ;) but how do I work that out without upsetting friends or seeming nutty? Is it the way I'm communicating or to whom?

This is part of my lifelong struggle, I have always been very sensitive and probably always will be. When someone says I need to lighten up, or not take something personally as also recently happened with another friend, it's like saying, quit being self-focused: quit being Dannielle. Because I do make things personal and they're not always about me, cognitively, I know that and I hate that part of me. It's like in the fourth grade we were reading, as a class, "Charlotte's Web" and I started sobbing. The story was so sad, and it seemed so unjust and unbearable but it was so embarrassing too. The trick is, this is the same part of me that makes me able to relate to other people easily, to be intuitive with friends and comfortable in new situations.

I think it's understandable that when your luck is poor for an amount of time, and you're feeling this big, to feel like you're being followed by the cartoon rainy cloud. Each consecutive thunderboldt is kind of a reminder that you're the wet loser and the bad stuff is sometimes more powerful and thus easier to focus on than the good stuff. Lately, I don't feel like I'm being persecuted, but I feel like I'm toxic and it's spilling over into social and personal relationships. I haven't had a successful relationship in more than two years, and even that is probably still a debatable label. The Danni is unloveable! And not only that, apparently so much so that grown men slink around bars to avoid her. I don't want to hide out but that's how I'm starting to feel. Don't get near me! Your hair will fall out, babies will cry, develop an unibrow, etc. So what people think of me or say seems more acute, sharper. I guess I need to really try to keep my eyes open and really try to keep myself in check because I definitely don't want to be the kind of person who makes every situation about herself and why the world is against her...and yet, lol, I just wrote an 8000 word blog about how I feel about myself. I am just having a hard year but it's not about me being persecuted. That being said, Douchebaggo tries to biz caz Fri talk to me again he's going to have a new spot for my pool stick.

Fall is here!....okay, not really

Danni's Song of the Day is We're Going to be Friends by the White Stripes. Let's all hope for positive karma for the week...including me getting a damn job. :)

"I make poor choices"

I haven't been making an accurate account of my life in the last couple of weeks. As much as I want this blog to always be honest, even of the things about me that are ugly or painful, some things are just too personal to give up. On the upshot, my pool game is at an all-time kick ass and I'm playing really well and I have made some really cool friends here in Denver. Today's Song of the Day is "Somebody I used to know" by the late, great Elliott Smith. For those of us with bruised feelings and a tender heart, this song is a beautiful fuck you to those we've mistakenly allowed near us. Is it time to go to Mexico yet?

Another awesome reason to visit Mexico

Mexico is only a presidential signature away from making the small-quantity possession of marijuana, cocaine, ecstasy and heroine "decriminalized." The Mexican government is claiming that by eliminating the need to find and prosecute individuals with small amounts of drugs, law-enforcement officials will be freer to investigate and pursue major drug sellers and traffickers. Naturally, the Bush White House has their panties in a wad because it wouldn't be particularly savvy of Bush to do what we all know he's doing at this point - his happy dance while planning his next vacation to Mexico to dapple in some bugger sugar.

I think this is a good time to make mention of the fact that demand for drugs is perfectly inelastic. Persecution of drug dealers decreases the supply of drugs and thus the cost is increased. However, the demand for drugs is perfectly inelastic and does not decrease despite the increase in cost. So, as costs increase the level of crime to fund the cost of drugs also rises. By legalizing drugs, thus increasing the supply and decreasing the cost, the level of overall crime to fund the demand would diminish. I would like to think that perhaps the US might take a less than knee-jerk reaction to this new development with our Southern neighbor and analyze what changes take place. I say, we legalize drugs but regulate them for purity and potency as you do with prescription medication or even, for that matter alcohol, decrease crime and increase the safety for those people already choosing to use illegal drugs.

Let me qualify by saying that I don't do drugs but I think especially for an economically challenged country, in desperate need of increased social programs and greater regulation of major drug trafficking, this is an efficient reallocation of resources. Also, let me add - I will be taking my next vacation in Cozumel.

Messengers have come and gone, but the struggle still goes on

In celebration of the success of this week's Day without Immigrant Labor for the advancement of immigrant rights I am picking a two-song duo: "Street guru (part one)" and "The preacher" by innovative musical producer and songwriter Nitin Sawhney for the Songs of the Day. I don't think there's a direct correlation, but I think especially the second song is a reflective, soulful and prophetic song. Plus, it's my blog so bite me. :) If you haven't heard his work before, you're in for a treat.

V. brilliant site for the birds and lads

I have just discovered a Web site that might, in fact, change my life. No more saying, "WTH does knackered mean?!? Please, tell me the word in American." Now, I can just look it up! This shall change all my correspondence with my beautiful UK blog readers and show listeners. One thing in particular has struck me and that is how MANY words the English have for idiot! Here is my English to American word of the Day , I believe that actually Superhot Supernanny gave us this word once.

whip round n. "A whip round is a collection of money - usually a somewhat impromptu and informal one. You might have a whip round for Big Mike's bus-fare home but you probably wouldn't have one for his triple heart bypass." I don't agree with their translation to American, I would think they would use a verb and "chip in" or "take up a collection"...in California someone might ask for some "fundage."

The boys from our own backyard

Featured break music from Borderline's Episode #53, "Worked Up So Sexual" by The Faint is the song of the day. The song was borrowed from the PodShow Podsafe Music Network, but The Faint is produced by Omaha's own Saddle Creek Records. Saddle Creek also produces Bright Eyes and Orenda Fink. Some members are currently on tour with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and you can read a review of that show by music maven J. Lynn on Borderline's site under the "After the Show" section.

It's an okapi!

My new zoo pics are up.

Song of the Day

In honor of Stephen Colbert, I am choosing "Eye of the Tiger," by Survivor. Is also v. good for running I've found. In the words of Ron Burgundy:

"I've often said the band survivor is the best that ever was. In my opinion they put rock music to bed. Everyone else is an imitator. That's right, you heard me Beatles, Rolling Stones, Bach, Beethoven, you guys suck...dong."

Stephen Colbert for Press Secretary

Saturday night Steven Colbert was the closing speaker at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner. Many clips have been shown about the president's comedic foray along side impersonator Steve Bridges. While some clips are funny, Colbert proceeded to stand up at the podium and take everyone to task under the guise of his right-wing newsman from The Colbert Report. While the speech starts out with the same straight-faced wit that so many love on The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, it becomes obvious that the audience of officials, the president and first lady, and press corp members are the target and they become more and more uncomfortable. He pointed out Valerie Plame to the audience, and the "realizing" he had leaked her attendance, restated it was simply Joseph Wilson's wife. Colbert is witty, funny but cunningly honest about the White House Press Corp's responsibility, the White House's evasive and dishonest tactics and the media's failure as a watchdog for the people. Even long-time journalist and Helen Thomas makes a cameo in Colbert's pseudo-Press Secretary audition tapes, making it undeniably credible and hilarious. While the audience is left nearly silent at the conclusion, it's impact is deafening.

The lack of reaction from the audience and members of the press corp specifically demonstrates the media's negligence in questioning and participating during an arguably poor period in American history. The Washington Post article "All Kidding Aside" by Dan Froomkin cites this blog posting by Video Dog in Salon and best articulates what Colbert's speech revealed of the press - at an event that is ostensibly a good-humor, informal formal event to make superficial reparations between the White House and the press corp members that cover them.

"The proof of his accuracy lies in how badly the . . . Washington press corps reacted. After all, this wasn't the usual baby-soft slapstick they usually get at the correspondents' dinner . . . [F]or the most part the press sat on their hands -- while just moments before, they were laughing uproariously at President Bush's incredibly lame skit with a Bush impressionist. That was Colbert's real feat: Showing us the real Washington media world, where everyone worries so much about offending someone, anyone , that the least bit of frank talk turns them into obedient little church mice."

As a journalist, I think that while his speech was shocking it was something we should all be asking of the media, of our elected representatives and especially DEMANDING of Bush's public communications staff. Who besides Colbert would have the courage to stand up in front of hundreds of peers, the PRESIDENT AND FIRST LADY, members of the Supreme Court, the who's who of the press and eviscerate everyone in the room with the worst kind of weapon - the truth. What balls, I can't imagine even standing up in front of a group such as that let alone to deliver a speech with such poise.

Watch and enjoy. Warning: not for the faint of heart...or bladder.

Note: it doesn't seem like the text link is working, at least for me. Try a copy and paste if you have problems. http://movies.crooksandliars.com/WH-Dinner-Colber.mov

Danni et son hippopotome

01/01/06

Happy May Day!

I'd rather be the one who loves than to be loved and never even know

Lynn's is v. brilliant okay. Song of the Morning by my red-fro'ed honey Josh Ritter. I got kicked off his "street team" somewhere along the line but I'll promote his shit anyway. I have all of his albums, including his original self-titled, but I think in honor of this beautiful spring day, Danni's Song of the Morning is "Snow is Gone," from the Hello Starling album.

His new album IS OUT! The Animal Years is out and available for purchase...or gifting via iTunes...maybe to some deserving or not-so-deserving blogger.