It's coming...

That's right suckas your mom is coming back. And this time she ain't bakin' no brownies. Stay tuned!

Why I hate MySpace

Okay, one of the reasons, one of the many reason, I hate MySpace and it's vomitous waste of time and talent is the ads that run non-stop with some obnoxious SPAM like banner. "Put the lipstick on the woman before time runs out and win a car!" But I almost poo'd myself the other day when the "Shoot the Rapper" banner ad came up. The cross hairs are supposed to look like camera but it seems pretty obvious as the African American cartoon figure shimmies across the screen that you're trying to shoot the rapper. Disgusting. Since then I've seen two others. Am I the only one that finds this f'n disturbing?

Do I sound like a broken record, or am I just repeating myself?

Well, I'm moving. Again. Although this time just across the hall to a bigger apartment. This makes the fifth move in the last 12 months. I think probably 80% of this danged blog has been about moving. I have actually PAINTED in the new pad; a smokey purple color for the bedroom and honey for the living room. I take this as a sign that I'm ready to settle. I love my apartment now but it's so tiny that sometimes I trip over myself. Even if it's just across the hall I still have to pick up, move and rearrange everything I own.

I am so excited! My kitchen is so much bigger and you won't hit your head on the wall when sitting on the potty. It's going to be a long day. :)

The first front

Today I began the serious battle of the buldge and went to the gym near work. I really didn't want to go, it was cold and I was tired and had all the excuses stacked up and neatly organized in my pocket. I went to the gym, internally whining and moaning and complaining. I felt like the fat kid - surrounded by these young, twenty-something hot bodies that hadn't been partying and eating their way through their mid-twenties. I was lamenting the fact that at one point I was trim and in good cardio condition and now found myself huffing and puffing on the stationary bike. I only made it through five minutes on that torturous climber / escalator thingie.

There was an older woman wearing a tan cap covering an apparently bald head; a cancer patient I assumed. She wore, from what I could tell, was a five dollar pair of worn black canvas Kmart shoes, modest knit pants and long-sleeved top with a paisely pattern. And, amist the Nike and Under Armor clad youth around her, she was kicking a*s all over the gym. When I was on my tour of the building she was lifting weights. She made her way to the stretching mat, I assumed to cool down, when she grabbed the oversized exercise ball, using the handrail to lower herself to the floor, and began doing some serious ab exercises. As I was getting ready to call it quits I found her again, this time doing more cardio on a seated bike. This incredible woman was waging a battle of her own greater than my lamentations over gaining weight and facing the upcoming wedding. I want to say that it motivated me to do another rep, another round on the treadmill, but instead I just wanted to go home and write about this cool thing that I saw, eat dinner and a to take a hot bath. Maybe tomorrow...

Select Cuts

Select Cuts runs from February 1 - 27, 2007 and features the work of artists Katrina Florell, Jake Gillespie, Peggy Gomez, Andrew Hershey, Jennifer Hoss, Wendy Lanik, Joey Lynch, Anthony Mundy and Mary Pattavina. The community is invited to meet the participating artists during the Opening Reception held on Sunday, February 4, 2007 from 2 - 4 p.m. This exhibition can be viewed during the regular gallery hours of Monday through Thursday, 8 a.m. - 9 p.m., Friday 8 a.m. - 5 p.m., and Sunday 11 a.m. - 5 p.m. The Jewish Community Center of Omaha is located at 333 South 132nd Street, Omaha, NE 68154.

Today's Hot dish

Hot Dish for Today: Pamcakes

Why pamcakes? This is a specialty dish of Neil and a traditional Borderline breakfast meal.

Insider fact: Two pamcakes and a scrambled egg make up the favorite breakfast of Borderline's Lynn. Borderliners refer to pancakes as "pamcakes"; referenced in one of the earliest episodes nearly two years ago. In the U.S., pancakes can also be referred to as hotcakes, griddlecakes, or flapjacks.

How: low-fat starter mixes are very nice but here's a great recipe if you want to do it the from-scratch way.

Pancakes

• Vegetable-oil cooking spray
• 3/4 cup whole-wheat pancake mix
• 3/4 cup skim milk
• 1 egg (For 33 mg less cholesterol, 0.5 g less saturated fat and 65 mg more omega-3 fatty acids, look for omega-3 specialty eggs. BUY CAGE-FREE Eggs, it's ethically more sound)
• 1/4 cup maple syrup
• 1 cup frozen blueberries or frozen strawberries, thawed (optional)
• Coat a nonstick skillet with cooking spray and heat over low to medium.* Whisk together pancake mix, milk, and egg. Pour 4 medium-sized pancakes (about 1/4 cup batter each) onto the hot skillet. Cook about 3 minutes; flip and cook about 3 minutes more. Serve with syrup (and berries, if desired)

*Danni's note: if you have non-stick cookware you really treasure, it's a bad idea to coat your beloveds in Pam or other cooking spray. A tiny bit of a trans-fat free butter or Omega-3 oil will do the same trick without leaving a sticky, gross residue on your cookware.

Source: Epicurious Breakfast Special

Triple whaa?

This week I received in the mail, among newsprint direct mail ads for King Super, glossy Sprint cards, and local restaurant menus, a renewal notice for AAA. In itself a AAA car club notice isn't that exciting but as I opened the letter I was really stunned with disbelief. I purchased the AAA membership when I decided to uproot myself from Lincoln and head southwest toward the Rockies almost ONE YEAR AGO. Has it really been this long since an unemployed, overweight Danni packed up her life and took up residence on Brandon's dining room floor?

It's an odd time for the notice to come because the last couple of weeks have been rife with excessive drinking, relationship changes, and general melancholy. A light has been redirected with the arrival of the notice center stage on me - letting the surrounding props fall away into darkness. I've been thinking about what I've done in the last year and, even more than the cliche New Year's resolutions, I've found myself formulating what the next year should be. I don't want to still be in a going-nowhere relationship and yet I've built a great circle of friends already. Spending my weekend holed up in my apartment isn't how I want to get the next letter, I want to be traveling or rediscovering my new home through cultural events. In any case, I've got one year down, a lifetime to go.

And hey, this new Chinese takeaway joint sounds delish! Two for one on Wednesday yo, holla!

Today's HOT dish

HOT dish of the day: The majestic chinchilla

411: Chinchillas must regularly bathe in dust or volcanic ash to remove oil and moisture that gathers in their thick fur. In fact, they have the highest fur density of any land animal with more than 20,000 hairs per square cm, or almost as much as Lynn's majestic, thick curly doo. They are agile jumpers and can jump up to five feet above their head. In captivity they can live up to 20 years! In Chinese, they are called lóng māo, which literally means "dragon-cat".

Why are they the first HOT dish of the day? B/c you cannot resist their awesome cuteness power.

Source: Wikipedia

The King and I

Reasons why I suck at being a grown-up

• Still can't handle my liquor and not only that should not be partying like a rock star at my age. (Can't remember at least two nights from last week)
• Incapable of commitment, incapable of making a clean break with my boyfriend
• Joined a gym last night; celebrated with a giant bag of kettle chips
• My Bad Guy filter is stuck in the off position and the repairman said it would take at least another 2 years to get the part in
• I still live in what amounts to a dorm room and yet can't keep it clean
• Drunk dialing
• Procrastination
• Forgot to pay my electric bill as it was buried under Pampered Chef catalog covered in little hearts
• Writing out blog notes during my work (lunch)
• General f*ckwittage

Purity BALLS

Apparently Colorado Springs is home not only to homophobic right-wing "Christians" with reformation camps, they're making sure their girls stay "pure." Apparently women who choose to have sex are dirty, impure and don't deserve jewlry. And not only that, it's a WAR dad. Because these girls have no brains and need you to fight for the integrity of their h-units. It's like a yuppie version of a chastity belt only, like you totally like get to wear this super cool ring like on your hand. From you dad. It's a pledge to your dad that you will not have spread your wings and stay a virgin. I am all about women making the choices they want including abstinence as a personal decision, but not by bribery. And certainly not as a means of throwing a party in honor of your cherry. And, how do they know if a girl keeps her promise? Do the dads then check said area? And if failing said test do the girls have to give back the ring? I actually had a friend in high school who wore one of these "Promise" rings from her stepdad pledging her religious chastity and then, after getting knocked up in college, dropped out. I guess it wasn't a real diamond.

Seriously gross.

Glamour Magazine reports:

• Welcome to Colorado Springs’ Seventh Annual Father-Daughter Purity Ball, held at the five-star Broadmoor Hotel. The event’s purpose is, in part, to celebrate dad-daughter bonding, but the main agenda is for fathers to vow to protect the girls’ chastity until they marry and for the daughters to promise to stay pure. Pastor Randy Wilson, host of the event and cofounder of the ball, strides to the front of the room, takes the microphone and asks the men, “Are you ready to war for your daughters’ purity?”

Still snowy

I could barely put my arms down. That's what 15 layers of clothing will do to a person.

Throw me idol, I'll throw you the whip.

Harrison Ford, snuggly granddad, once heartthrob and frequenter of Lincoln, NE's The Night Before Lounge strip club, is set to star in Indiana Jones 4: Indie goes to Arby's, in 2008. George Lucas, Steven Spielberg and Ford have finalized the script for the fourth and long-awaited quatrille to the beloved action flicks. In the newest movie, Ford gets a coupon for four for five of Arby's lean roast beef sandwiches and goes to dinner at 3:30 PM. The imortalized whip, iconic of the Indie flicks, will be used to lasso himself a Jamoca shake and 20% off his meal. I jest but secretly am thrilled beyond reason that they're finally making a new one. This is one of the best rides at DL, fo shizzle.

New Year's Resolution

As posted on Borderline's "After the Show" section:

1. Obviously will lose at least 20 pounds
2. Will memorize The Immaculate Collection in case of Thai prison incarceration
3. Adopt a fish (frogs need not apply)
4. Take the bus to work
5. Learn how to use buses
6. Get back to riding at least 50 miles / week
7. Learn how to make gravy that doesn't frighten even Marines when inspecting the soup pot. It's going to need siving!
8. Post at least once a week on my blog
9. Begin planning European vacation
10. Stop kicking strays for fun
11. Go to the Podcast Expo 2007
12. Beat Ferg in danceoff after he's lost the Car Bomb off to Lynn
13. Return emails when sent to me
14. Stop sharking people when I don't get my way
15. Climb a mountain, and then sing "Climb Every Mountain" when have reached the summit
16. Learn how to do this "dusting" thing
17. Bust a cap
18. Reach 365 days with no self-inflicted knife wounds
19. Read at least 12 books that aren't my special picture pages
20. Take the GRE

New apartment fun

UPDATE: new pics of new apartment fun on my Flickr page. Yeah for Flickr!

I am slow

I have been struggling with Blogger and haven't had the time to mess with it. I will work on some new postings but in the meantime check out the new Borderline podcast, #62. Comedic gold. :)

Vocation Vacation

I was reading an article in the paper last week about these new services popping up that give people the opportunity to take vacation from their real jobs and try out a new one. The article highlighted some young international banker hot-shot who took early retirement at (get this) 42 to become a dog trainer. Next week is a show week, meaning a big trade show occurs next week - this one in Florida. And its times like these that I begin to ponder other careers. At first the idea of PAYING someone to work seemed crazy and in some ways it seems sort of like a let-them-eat-cake pastime for the upper class. But the more I think about it, the more I think what other jobs might I like to try. [wavy dream sequence and harp string music]

• Nurse: lots of access to doctors, drugs and of course, help people
• Journalist: go back to the J-School and split my time between advertising and news ed
• Chef: I don't have that much natural talent or patience, I do like to eat good things tho
• Restaurant reviewer: see above
• President: hey, even I could do a better job
• Inventor: I am forever thinking of cool things that would make me billions of dollars
• Attorney: enough said I think.
• Event promoter
• Horse rider (pro)
• College professor
• Forest ranger / guide

Things I would never want to do:

• Day care provider
• Winter car wash operator
• Gardener
• In-house IT staff person
• Personal stylist (everyone would end up in jeans and a t-shirt)
• Butcher (again)
• Highway construction person
• Kill mechanic at a processing plant
• Anything with heavy machinery

How about you?

Love Is

An afternoon pick-me-up note from a friend.

"I heart you! Just keep at it and things will get better. Deep breathing. If that doesn't work, go out into the mountains and punch a coyote in the head."

Open the Gaits!

Morning weight: 157.5 pounds

Yesterday's meals (bad):
Breakfast: low-sugar oatmeal with 2/3 cup soy milk
Snack: 15 baby carrots and salsa
Lunch: (yikes) Tin Star chicken and portabella mushroom soft tacos. Initially skipped the soft taco shell and rice, later at the shells separately during a business luncheon. F*ck.
Dinner: (completely unskinned) baked chicken breast, leg, thigh meat (they were so tiny! I swear) extra large salad w/ sprinkle feta cheese and salsa, two or three dill pickles
Walk: 1 hour
Evening: Skinny cafe au lait w/sugar free vanilla shot

I have been attempting to at least walk for an hour a day in addition to trying to get back into shape. I have rediscovered my most belov'ed diet snacks. Dill pickles (cut into four spears) and popcorn. The bad thing is that popcorn smells like ass and makes the apartment gross but Roommate won't have to live with it a long time. Also have been eating salad like a maniac. So hungry! Bah humbug. :)

First full week of dieting begins!

9 Months to go!