Sunday, December 16, 2007

Get out uh my dreams! ba da ba dump bum

I dreamt about Him the other night. Oh, you know Him. Everyone has a Her, or Him or a Him/Her that comes into your life simply to make it amazing and them spectacularly painful for can feel like the rest of time. Yep! Saw me in half and count my rings because this guy had to have been like a hundred years ago!

He and She are apparent by some distinct characteristics, for instance, they're emotional whores. They don't give two flips if you've been dating, just "been" together, been together but not "together," were married, or you simply passed one another in the aisle of Hinky Dinky from time to time. Without a second thought they'll brand you with a scarlet letter "A" as in "I've made an Asshole out of you. They also wield some other-wordly and deadly black magic. You'll notice your brain start to lose control, especially the logic lobe, and begin to convince your body to do ghastly things like drive by their houses at 1:00 AM, 2:00 AM, and 2:30 for good measure until you make sure the light is off. Now, don't believe for one second the blag magic hasn't kept up with technology. MySpace stalking is still stalking whether you're scouring their home page for new lovers' notes or seeing if they're online (and thus at home). I've been battling my own stalker this week who seems to have been permanently brain damaged but the part that knows how to text remains in tact.

For now the conclusion is no more dill pickle spears & pringles before bed.

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