Thursday, June 18, 2009

Brand Claims: Motion activated suburbia scents

Has anyone else been paying attention to these ridicadonk war of commercials between Glade, Febreeze, and other nonsensical purveyors of air perfume? The newest campaign by Glade guarantees an all-knowing room freshener that releases air freshener but is "smart enough" to "know" when there's too much motion and will hold off on over-stankifying a room. When will the madness end?!? It used to be that an air freshener was an unspoken item in the lavatory that you kept around in case Grandpa had too much scalloped cabbage. In rare cases, it might be used before company - a whalloping rose or potpourri tornado would engulf the entire room an invade your eyes, ears, nostrils and mouth before fading quietly in 30 seconds or less - leaving you temporarily blind and nauseated in a ball on the floor.

I don't understand this obsession, first the plug-in gel packs (ok kept a dorm room less gross). Then there came heated electrical oil bulbs. WARNING, WARNING! Does this not go against every common sense safety rule we've been learning since childhood? Oil + electrical sparks? Go ahead, plug it directly into the wall attached to your house! Then came Febreeze "Scentstories." No, it's not enough for your Yankee candle to make your room smell like a cookie and give you the munchies, or a gelpack to ring in the scents of the holidays, it's gotta tell an actual story. The story that Febreeze tells me is that for $65-$80 I can have a pretend scent vacation in my living room and no money left for food. Hurray! I truly believe in the next decade, they will come up with a nasal implant that smells like cinnamon and thus negates any need for disposable household accessories to cover up where the dog peed last week.

On a sidenote, I may need to quit arguing with the TV when these commercials come on, or I may find myself on a Scentstory of a straight jacket, Valium and therapists' couch.

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