During my afternoon nap, my little sister, my only sibling, called me to tell me her boyfriend had proposed this morning on their Minnesota vacation. I have been kind of reeling all day. This is a sharp reminder of how much I miss my family and the things I miss out on having moved away. I wondered about what was going on with my parents and how my mom was feeling. I enjoyed the thought of my big-kid dad having to keep this secret to himself for two weeks. This is the man who, unable to keep secrets or gifts under wraps, first let us begin opening a single gift on Christmas Eve. Then it was half of our gifts and now all gifts are opened the night before Christmas. Stockings are still saved for Christmas morning but I get the sense that even that is a trial for him.Part of me is surprised because my sister is my little sister, now 20, and I'm sure she'll always feel like that to me. My great aunt, who's 86, still babies my grandmother who is 83. I guess that being a big sister never leaves you. Part of it might be my crushing fear of commitment, hell, I could only get myself to sign a six-month-lease on my apartment. I haven't heard any details about what they're thinking for a wedding. All I know is that she'll be a beautiful bride and I'll get hammered at the reception.
And I hate that there is even a single part of me that feels a pang of exclusion but that's how I feel. I am absolutely happy for my sister; her boyfriend is a really sweet guy and they're perfect for one another. At the same time, as a sort of pseudo matriarch of the family, a tiny part of me feels like an old maid. My family is in general well-educated but there is still a traditional sense of value in married life and children. The thought of people pitying me or making comments because she will be married first is exhausting. I know how those conversations will go b/c I've heard them over and over about other family and friends from back home. I know that we are very different people and I've had lots of experiences she hasn't because our interests and goals are so diverse. Maybe she thinks sometimes about moving away, I don't know. But it's not about me, it's about Kat.
Deep down, I just can't wait to see the ring. It sounds really beautiful.
11 comments:
No worries. Your BFF will be right there getting hammered with you. - We both know it isn't a real wedding until you light your cigarette backwards and fall over into the shrubs. :) Also, lest ye be sad and fearful, please remember our "Plan B". Plan B: if by the age of 50 neither of us are married, we will then marry each other, live ontop of a mountain in a castle, and have many pool boys around to tend to our needs. Beautiful.
-L
Lynn, lynn, [slurring] this wedding is so beautiful and I lovvvvee you man. No, no, no, I mean it. Where's that best man. I'll best him. He's married? I don't really care...let's go make-out behind the reception hall.
Tsk (Eyes roll to top of head) :)
Don't roll your eyes at me, missy. It's a cultural thing...I hope. :D Neither my sister or her fiance drinks; there had better be a fucking bar.
Sorry Danni, the eye rolling was for Lynn's Plan B. (now I'm just out and out giggling!)
xx
I think Purple joolz should be invited to the wedding! Yippee!!! If you come, I promise to let you roll your eyes all that you want. :)
-L
I would like to deny that I had never gotten wasted at a wedding and lit a cigarette I bought off of the bar tender backwards while out in the parking lot and then proceeded to fall over backwards into some bushes in my pretty dress. But i would be lying.
And yes, Lynn, I will marry you. :D
I know exactly how you feel... 4 of my friends, my Dad (!) and my new stepsister all got engaged in the last year- must be catching!
Part of me wants to be like them 'cos it would be easier to fit in, but I know I have to follow my own path- plus it's kind of cool to be the black sheep ;)
xx
I see a visible tattoo in my near future... :)
Wow S/H S/N, that is a lot of damn people! I am sure you're equally happy for all of them but how are you going to manage THAT calendar?!? "Yeah, listen Betty, I love you and all but you can't get married on May 12, that's when Susie and Bill are makin' it legal. Nope, sorry! I know it's your wedding but July is OUT!"
Yep, pretty much! ;)
actually, I'm not going to all of them, and the others are quite spaced out (thier weddings, not the people!) so it'll be OK...
but if eloping came back into fashion I wouldn't be THAT upset... ;D
x
Oh Joy! By the time you kids are 50, I'll be a mad old woman and will be able to get away with so much more than I can now. I'm looking forward to the wedding already!
That's not to say that I don't wish you both tall dark handsome strangers in the meantime...
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