Friday, April 07, 2006

Give me some worms!

I am having a pity party day. I don't know what I am expecting will happen, I mean, I've been in the house for two days. It's not like I can expect life to come to me. But I feel very bad about myself and I can't stop crying. It's ridiculous and frustrating! I am a grown woman. But man, am I lonely right now. I'm not longing for home or another life, I just can't shake that basic, raw feeling of grief, of shame, loneliness.

My new living situation does not seem like it will be particularly successful. There will always be adjustments with new roommates, but it doesn't seem like it should be so difficult when you're in your mid-twenties. I'm having a hard time expressing that, while you may not be that interested in taking out the trash, I have to live with the smell everyday, all day in this fucking tiny ass apartment. And in return, I am apparently mean about the use of my computer equipment and am a bitchy nag. Maybe I am being a nag, I need order somewhere in my life. Right now, I have none. My roommate is the only person I know here, so on the outs with him leaves me totally alone and that's such an adjustment for me. In searching for me what was really the issue, I realized that it's about dignity and respect, and right now I'm getting none from my roommate or myself. I know it will get better and it could be much worse, but I am ready for a new week, a new day. Hmmmm, maybe a nap, maybe some Strongbad.

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I'll guess I'll go eat worms.

1 comment:

diane s said...

uh, don't eat worms! maggots maybe...

It IS really hard when you only know one person in a place, puts a lot of pressure on them & on yourself- even living with a good friend can turn nasty sometimes, but hopefully it will get easier!

Have a good long cry if you need to- it's healthy. But don't start worrying about the future and beating yourself up- that won't help anyone.

We love you here in the UK! :) xx